Make Me Over
by IncoherentMumbling
Summary: Wrap my arms around your name... Feel your breath against my pain... As I breathe out... The past is gone... I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind... Changing myself, just to stand alone in your eyes... Pull me in, take me out, make me over.
1. Make Me Over

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**There will be multiple chapters (in diary form). This song is Make Me Over by Lifehouse.**

**If you're expecting a happy Logan and Rory ending, you're going to be disappointed super fast.  
This is about Rory changing for Logan. Not exactly a Disney movie. **

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Make Me Over

By I.M.

Wrap my arms around your name  
Feel your breath against my pain  
As I breathe out  
The past is gone  
Empty smile  
Naked heart  
Who I was, falls apart  
When you're here  
Inside of me  
Feel till your numb  
Depth perception becoming  
The new deaf and dumb

I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind  
In your mind  
Changing myself, just to stand alone in your eyes  
In your eyes  
Pull me in, take me out, make me over

Read the wave, ride your fears  
In this ocean of years  
We've been here  
Swimming on

Take me deep, till I find  
Every corner of your mind  
We've been here  
Swimming on

Touch, till you taste  
All the time  
We are wasting alone  
Waiting here

I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind  
In your mind  
Changing myself, just to stand alone in your eyes  
In your eyes  
Pull me in, take me out,  
make me over, and shout me out loud,  
Shout me out loud

_I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind  
In your mind  
Changing myself, just to stand alone in your eyes  
In your eyes  
I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind  
In your mind  
Pull me in, take me out, make me over_


	2. Rory Leigh Gilmore Jumped

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Nice and short. **

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Make Me Over

By I.M.

Dear Diary/Journal/Memoir thing,

I might have to reevaluate Logan Huntzberger. He may seem like a frat boy, half-assed, lazy rich kid (and he probably is), but he's got one hell of a mind. But, hey. If I ever do forget what I think of him, just remind me, okay? 'Cause I can't fall for this guy. So... I went on the Life and Death Brigade with Logan and it sure was interesting. Here... recap:

_"It'll be fun, it'll be a thrill. Something stupid, something bad for you. Just something different. Isn't this the point of being young? It's your choice, Ace. People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute. You climb up here with me, it's one less minute you haven't lived."_

I jumped. I, Rory Leigh Gilmore, jumped. Blindly. I jumped blindly. No matter how many times I say it, I still can't believe it. It was so unlike me. It was scary. But exhilarating. It was scarily exhilarating. God, _Rory Gilmore _jumped.

Logan may be an ass sometimes but I can learn something from him. Ha! Never thought the day would come when I would learn something from a spoiled trust fund kid. Mom would have a field day.

Ah! Doyle's on the prowl again. Time to head back to reality.


	3. Oops, My Brain's on the Floor

Disclaimer: I won nothing.

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Make Me Over

By I.M.

Dear Diary/Journal/Memoir Thing,

Where was my brain when I started doing that? Oh, I know! It was on the floor where I dropped it while _making out with_ _Logan Huntzberger_! At my grandparent's wedding, of all places! Who did this because it sure as hell wasn't me. I don't do this! I'm not irresponsible! I wasn't irresponsible with Dean! I wasn't even like this with Jess, hailing ruler of the rebels and heart breakers!

What is going on? Ever since Dean left, I've been different. I was drunk. I'm _never _drunk!

And what I said to him could have been worse than what I did.

Girls just want to have fun. Who was I kidding? They just want Logan Huntzberger. I told him that I could do this, no strings attached. The problem is that I like being attached! I'm a girlfriend, not a playmate. God, he's screwing with my head.

And then, when Dad and Luke interrupted me, I was mad at them. _Mad _at _them_! They were trying to help and I was frustrated that I wasn't with Logan. Where's Freud when I need him?

On a side note, Luke and Mom are fighting BIG TIME. Dad just comes and ruins something important every time we see him.  
No, no, no. That's not a side note. That's important. Luke makes Mom happy. God, when did I become so self centered?

But it was amazing. Electrifying. I can't forget about it, can't get him out of my head. I feel like a teenage girl, wondering if he's thinking about me, too.

Time for class. Expect another rant soon.


	4. Perfect

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Make Me Over

By I.M.

Dear DJM thing,

He was just sitting there, all perfect, drinking coffee with a girl—also perfect—and I'm out shopping with _Mommy_. God! Why is this so hard? Why am I doing this? This isn't me.

This _isn't _me. I can't be a free spirit. I need stability. I need someone who I know is mine. And I care about Logan. I can't just pretend that seeing him with another girl doesn't make me heart-wrenchingly sad and jealous. Right?

Right?

Right.

So I told him. Everything I felt. And, surprisingly, everything is fixed. I told him I was a girlfriend kind of a girl. He said he could be a boyfriend. I want to believe him. I think I do.  
It's just... what if he can't be a boyfriend? What if he's so used to a lack of strings that he can't do it?

Everything's changing. He's changing for me. I'm changing for him.  
But, if there's one thing I learned about relationships from Mom (and I haven't learned a lot), it's that you shouldn't _have _to change.

But, who knows? Maybe Mom is wrong. I don't have to agree with her on everything. It's not like we have one mind. I have a mind. I can think for myself. Yeah, I don't have to run to my mother every time I have a problem. I have my own will and I can make my own decisions.

Oh, crap. Paris is coming. I have to hide this thing. Can you imagine the hell she'll put me through if she reads it?


	5. Two Sofa Cushions

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Make Me Over

By I.M.

Dear Diary,

I found this wedged under two cushions in the sofa. It's been a while. I have some news. I dropped out of Yale. I'm just taking a break. I'll go back eventually. It's not like Dean, who left college. I know, I know. It wasn't permanent for him either and look at him now. But, he had someone to take care of. I don't. And I'll go back once I know what I want to do. Stupid, I know. I've known what I've wanted to do since I was a little kid: be a reporter, explore the world, take everyone by storm. But, you know what? That was naive. If one of the top newspaper men in the country tells me I don't have it, I don't have it. What can I do about it?

My mother would tell me to get off my ass and prove him wrong. Well, you know what? My mother apparently isn't a part of my life anymore. I can't believe she didn't tell me she was engaged. I'm her _daughter _and I found out from a very awkward Luke.

Well, it doesn't matter anymore. I have a new life. I don't know what Mom was complaining about all these years. She could have had anything she ever wanted if she had stayed with Grandma. It's a little awkward having Grandma around me all the time. But, she's just excited that I'm here. Living in the pool house. It'll die down and things will go back to... normal.

Another piece of news! I joined the DAR. It's not that bad to be hosting functions. These people are nice once you've gained their trust and you've dodged all their double entendres.

Time for community service.

Oh yeah, I got arrested. It's no big deal, really.


	6. Everything's Going To Be Okay

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Make Me Over

By I.M.

Dear Whatever,

Everything's going to be okay.

Jess came by this weekend. He came over and wanted to show me his book. HE WROTE A BOOK. A whole book. It's published and out there. The high school drop out and perpetual disappointer wrote a book. And what did I do? I threw parties. I got drunk. I abandoned my mom. I dropped out of Yale. I gave up on my dream.

My life is going in circles. At least it was. Now everything's going to be okay.  
I'm going back to Yale, I'm going to fix things with Mom and I'm going to get out of Emilyland. These aren't empty "going to's," I swear. This will happen.

Emily is suffocating me. I'm dying. I'm going under.

I finally understand how my mother felt. Once, in the middle of the night, I snuck up to my mom's room. I sat on her bed and I tried imagining that I was her, trying to tell Emily Gilmore that her one and only daughter was a pregnant teenager. I suddenly realized how brave Mom was. Is. And I wish I was brave enough just to call her and apologize. But, I'm not. So, here I am, venting to a book instead of my best friend.

Oh, yeah. Logan and I had a huge blowout at the restaurant. It's looking pretty bad.


	7. Homer's Coffin

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Make Me Over

By I.M.

Dear DJM thing,

I love him. I love him and apparently he had the attention span of a drunk bridesmaid. Two drunk bridesmaids. But, I let him back in because… because… because I'm an idiot.

Bear patiently, my heart—for you have suffered heavier things.

Ah, Homer. You hit the nail on the coffin. I mean, I love him, right? He made a mistake and I should forgive him. Right? He didn't mean to hurt me.

He's trying hard to get me back. He told me that he loves me. And I love him. I think. It's so hard to tell now. I can't sort out any of my thoughts.

He cheated on me.

But I love him.

And I should forgive him.

And I shouldn't doubt that. I _don't_.

But, if that's what I claim, why am I debating about it with a book?

Gah! I'm going to sleep. Maybe I can sleep at Paris' tonight.


	8. Dear Inspiration

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Make Me Over

By I.M.

Dear Inspiration,

Logan proposed. I said no. He asked why. I gave him some sort of answer. He was silent. I asked him if we could try long distance again. He walked away.

I couldn't say yes. I have the rest of my life to look forward to, and my future isn't going to be staring at an avocado tree in California while I read about other people's adventures. But, Logan didn't understand. Honestly, I didn't expect him to. I mean, he didn't even know me. He knew his girlfriend, inside and out. But, he didn't know Rory. And, that's who I am. I'm constantly-studying, curl-up-and-read Rory, who has dreams and ambitions that are so, so close.

And I chose Rory over Logan. I'm glad I did. Mom is, too.

I'm going to have an amazing life. I'm sure Logan is, too.

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss him. He was an important part of my life. And I did love him. He taught me a lot about life. But, I changed for him. I changed because that's what I needed to do to be with him and for him to love me. Because I always doubted that he would love the real Rory. Maybe he would. Maybe he wouldn't. But I never gave either of us the chance to find out.

Thanks for sticking with me until the very end. I know you're just a reflection of my thoughts but it's a record of who I was and who I've now become.

Now it's time for a new phase in my life. The Logan Diary is over. It can wait in my bookcase for ten years until I dust it off and decide to reminisce.

Because, really, Logan's just a frat boy, half-assed, lazy rich kid. Hey, you promised you would remind me. And you did.

Talking to inanimate objects. Mom would be so proud.


End file.
